In many traditions gossip or taletelling is considered a serious spiritual offence. 

In the book of Leviticus 19;16 it is written that gossip is a Core Prohibition: “You shall not go about as a talebearer among your people.” The sages, like Rashi and Maimonides, teach that this forbids repeating what one person said or did to another, even if the information is completely true and not inherently negative.

Over the past few years, since my late husband died, I have been putting energy into creating friendships. Oren and I were quite a team and, although he was very social and knew any number of people who considered him a friend, I have always been more of a loner, happy to stay home with my children, paint, write, meditate, and let Oren arrange our social life.

With five little children, not many people invited us all to afternoon tea or dinner. We, on the other hand, always had a full table on Friday nights. I was happy to cook and loved that the house accommodated lots of people.

However, understanding that without him I would have to put some effort into socialising, I started to go out to dinner with friends, learn bridge, and enrol in courses that would broaden my horizons. And for a time it worked well — until some part of it didn’t.

I know people gossip. I know people say:

“She said this. He did that. Did you hear about her? Do you want to know what she said about you? I saw her with him. He supports her. They don’t really like him anymore.”

It goes on and on and on.

Recently, I was the brunt of gossip. Someone told me — gossiping themselves — that people were saying awful things about me.

We have all had that experience.

Ancient wisdom teaches us that gossip has no power over us unless we give it power. Easier said than done, but I decided to accept the invitation and the challenge to explore why I felt hurt. If I take what people say to heart, then I must be disconnecting from my connection with myself as complete and whole. If I invest my energy in the gossip, I am allowing myself to be hooked into the pain rather than connecting to my authentic self.

Here are the questions I asked myself:

Do I need to listen to this stuff?

Do these people enrich my life?

Do I feel empowered and joyful at the end of my time with them?

This kind of experience depletes our energy.

What can we do to fill our lives and nourish our souls?

For me, it is returning to writing, painting, meditating, and working in the areas I most love.

The Talmud equates malicious speech to a deadly weapon that metaphorically kills three people: the speaker, the listener, and the subject.

Until I read this sentence, I had not realised that the speaker, the listener, and the subject are all deeply injured by gossip and that, according to the Talmud, the listener is often considered just as guilty as the speaker. If a topic does not directly concern the listener for a practical or protective purpose, it is forbidden to stay and listen.

Saying “Stop” is both powerful and protective to the speaker and the listener. Changing the subject is both powerful and protective to the speaker and the listener.

One of my favourite actors is Goldie Hawn. She is someone I respect and deeply admire.

Goldie Hawn has stated that she strongly believes gossip is toxic and destructive. She considers gossiping to be a form of “verbal violence” that poisons both the speaker and the environment. To her, talking negatively about others is not just hurtful, but deeply dreary and boring.

Her core anti-gossip philosophies include:

The “Gossip-Free” Home: Hawn famously declared her own household a gossip-free zone. She and her family committed to avoiding words that belittle, choosing instead to use language that encourages, rebuilds, and uplifts.

Active Support for Words Can Heal: In the early 2000s, Hawn served as a prominent spokesperson for the Words Can Heal national campaign. This organisation was created to eliminate verbal violence and promote the ethical power of speech.

Leaving Negative Environments: She is known for walking away from conversations centred on tearing others down. In a 2001 interview at the National Press Club, she admitted she would leave or stay silent at dinner parties where people did nothing but talk about others, simply because she found it to be an uninteresting and draining use of time.

Public Advocacy: During her advocacy, she expressed hope that people would view the concept of avoiding gossip as part of striving for a more positive and connected society. She often points out that negative statements damage both the speaker’s own mental health and their relationships.

In this world of “he said, she said”, “he did, she did”, maybe we can take a moment to think about the damage we are doing to ourselves and others before we open our mouths.